Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
