I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
