I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
