oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
