I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
