he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
