I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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