im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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