And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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