im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
