There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
