Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
