One girl and one boy is just not enough.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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