I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
