I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
