new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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