The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm both gender and math confused
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
