Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
