I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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