Just fell off a train. Bad.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
