worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
