shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
