Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
