Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
