My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
