I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
