the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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