so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
