Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
