I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
