i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
