i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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