I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
