the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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