wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
