I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't shave. On purpose
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
