I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
