I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
