his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
