This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
