I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
