oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
