I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
