I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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