I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
