Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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