is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
