oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
