he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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