I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
