wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
