What did we do last night that was yellow?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
