I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
