Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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