12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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