I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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