Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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